Harry's Problem
by imnemocomeandfindme
Summary: In the TV show 'Fearne and McBusted', Harry said something happened that changed him so he became healthy and stopped drinking and smoking and started getting fit. This is a story about what that could have been... Just remember, this isn't meant to be the truth, because I don't know it. This is about what happens when Harry drinks.
1. Chapter 1

They all drink. It's not something they think about. In the evening, sometimes when they're not going out too, and just staying in on the tour bus, the beers come out.

And each of them is a different sort of drunk. Dougie goes quite sleepy, heavy eyes drooping earlier than the others. Tom starts teasing, but loses his understanding of when a joke is pushed too far. Danny becomes affectionate, hugging the others and laughing more than ever. And Harry...well.

They think it might be because of his old school, where you had to stick up for yourself or risk becoming the school wimp, but whatever it is, it scares them more than they'd like to admit, because Harry is strong, and when he's had too much to drink, he gets snarky and, well, violent.

At first it was funny, and they used to joke that his eyes went red when he drank, because he always just seemed on the edge of losing it, but then they realised that it could be damaging.

The first time it went further than just angry words was halfway through their first headline tour. They'd been in the bus, parked at a service station, and they'd been drinking, celebrating the great show. Dougie was curled in the corner with Danny's arm around him, watching the others talk without joining in much. Danny had been joking about, and had been doing ridiculous impressions of their manager to entertain the others, before flopping back down after making Tom actually cry with laughter. It was after that though, and Tom and Harry were beginning to get at each other again.

They never got on as well as the others, because they were both so headstrong and didn't want to back down. Tom had been making little niggling comments about Harry's past, his appearance and his playing all night, and they could tell that it was getting to the danger levels.

"If only we had someone who could do that kind of drum riff," Tom said, seeming absent-minded, but the glint in his eye as he took another swig from his bottle giving him away.

"Tom..." Danny said warningly as Harry clenched his hands into fists several times, but Tom was enjoying himself, being able to take out his frustrations on Harry.

"Don't you think, Danny, that it would be great if we had someone as good as we are behind the kit? God, I could play better than tha-"

Harry launched himself at Tom, punching him hard in the jaw, knocking him down onto the sofa. Danny was up and pushing Harry back almost instantly, Dougie frozen in shock for only a second before going to Tom, who was sitting up. The look of shock on his face would almost be comical, if it wasn't for the red mark blooming into purple on his chin.

"What the hell, Harry!" Danny said, still standing in between him and Tom. If looks could kill, he would have been in the firing line of two sets of eyes glaring at each other.

"You heard him! I suppose you're on his side! Wish that you had some guy who could do all sorts of fancy things!" Harry said, voice rising as he stared at Danny.

"No, of course not. We chose you, and Dougie, because we thought that you were the best for the job. Maybe there are some parts that you can't do yet, but you can learn them, and you're a fine player as it is now," Danny says, looking straight at Harry while he keeps his voice even and calm.

"I suppose you're on his side," Harry says accusingly, turning to Dougie now, who's still sitting beside Tom, but stands up at his words.

"No, actually," Dougie says, going back to his original place and sitting down again. "I think he was wrong to say those things, but I think you were wrong to hit out."

"But –" Tom says, speaking for the first time and wincing at the movement.

"No. He's right, Tom," Danny says, turning back to Tom. "Even though Harry shouldent've hit you, you probably deserved it."

"I'm going to bed," Harry says, pushing past Danny and going to the bunks. They hear the sound of his curtain closing, and know that they won't see him until the next morning.

"You can't be like this," Danny says, turning to Tom, looking at him steadily. "You know what Harry's like when he drinks, and there's no need to wind him up like that."

"But he doesn't try! He doesn't care," Tom grumbles, looking like a grumpy child, crossing his arms and sulking.

"He does," Dougie says seriously, looking at Tom.

"Look, I know that you're friends with him and stuff, but he just swaggers around thinking he's so much better! He never practices like the rest of us do!"

"You're wrong," Dougie says, standing up. "My room's next door to his. I can hear him practicing at night when he thinks we're asleep, over and over."

"But..." Tom stutters, thrown by the news. "Why didn't he say? If he was doing stuff then why does he not do it during the day when I can see?"

Dougie groans and throws his hands in the air. "Because you're always going on at him all the time!" he says, as if it should be obvious. "He doesn't want to give you the satisfaction when you're such a dick all the time!"

Tom's mouth hangs open, truly shocked for once. "I never knew..."

"Yeah, well, he didn't want you to. I'm going to bed too," Dougie says, looking tired again all of a sudden, pushing his hand through his fringe. He goes through the back lounge, and they can hear him saying goodnight softly to Harry before he climbs into his own bunk.

"Me too. Put something cold on your jaw, or it'll be worse in the morning," Danny says, heading the same way, but pausing and turning in the doorway. "I mean it. One day Harry won't remember to stop, and I won't be there to do anything. I've known you longer than the others, but that doesn't mean that I'm going to always be on your side."

With that he turns, and goes to bed. Tom lets his head fall back against the bus window, wishing he would control his mouth more.


	2. Chapter 2

Usually when Harry gets mad, Danny can stop him, and Dougie can calm him down, because he knows him best.

Sometimes, though, they can't stop him.

It's usually Tom or Danny under attack, and they're big enough to look after themselves, but they worry, sometimes, that maybe Dougie gets too close. On the few occasions he rubs Harry up the wrong way, he never seems to really believe that Harry would go for him. One time though, he was in the way, and Harry didn't hold back.

Maybe it was because Harry was so wound up that night. Maybe it was because it had been a long day for all of them. Maybe it was because Dougie was just that bit smaller, more vulnerable, than the others. Either way, Danny was preoccupied with keeping Tom back, and neither of them was there in time to stop Harry getting Dougie, knocking him down on the floor of their hotel room. He didn't get up.

"Harry!" Tom cried, stepping back like he was physically repelled, staring down at Dougie.

Danny was down by his side, rolling him over and holding a hand by his mouth.

"Still breathing," he said, now tapping Dougie's cheek to try to wake him up.

Harry makes forward to help but Danny holds a hand up when he sees him.

"No, you've done enough."

"I want to help," Harry whispers, keeping back, not wanting to anger the other two.

"Okay. Get some cold water," Danny says, turning back to Dougie and pushing his hair back off his eyes.

When Harry returns, glass of water with ice in hand, he's relived to see Dougie's eyes flutter open. He hands the water to Danny silently though, knowing that he can deal best with the situation, even if he can feel heavy guilt curling in his stomach, telling him to go to his best friend.

Dougie props himself up on his elbows, reaching up to ouch his head and wincing.

"Ow," is all he says, and giggles, falling back down onto the floor.

"Here," Tom says, handing him a pillow from the hotel bed, which he slides under Dougie's head.

"How d'you feel, Dougs?" Danny says, smiling down at him.

"Headache. Harry sure has a good right hook," Dougie grins up at him, apparently no hard feelings when he looks at Harry.

"I'm so sorry. I don't know what I-"

"Shhhh," Dougie says, holding a finger to his lips. He pushes himself up to sitting and beckons Harry closer, pulling him into a tight hug.

"I'll forgive you if you buy me chocolate," Dougie says as they separate, yawning.

"Really?" Harry says, not understanding Dougie's reaction. He expected him to be so much more...well...angry.

"Yeah. Lots."

"Dougie," Danny says, looking slightly incredulously at his friend. "He knocked you out! And all you want is chocolate?"

Dougie looks confused, looking between Danny and Tom. "He just hit me! It should be my turn by now too, with the amount he's got you two..."

Danny shakes his head. If only he could have that kind of forgiving nature. He can't help but wonder, though, if it not too naïve of Dougie to trust Harry's better nature.


	3. Chapter 3

The problem with Tom is that when he's in a bad mood, he tends to take it out on the others, and recently, he's been very depressed, which takes its toll on the rest of them.

"Fuck's sake, you two, keep it down!" Tom groans at Dougie and Danny, who are rolling on the hotel room floor, trying to tickle each other.

"Sorry, Tommie!" Danny giggles.

"How many times do I have to say, don't call me that!" Tom yells, throwing a cushion viciously at Danny, who rolls sideways to avoid it and nearly knocks over Harry.

"What the hell Danny?! Why are you such a clumsy idiot all the time?" Harry says accusingly, glaring at him.

"He only bumped you, Harry," Dougie grins from his spot on the floor. "Don't be such a drama queen..."

"Yeah, Harry," Tom chips in, leering at him. "Stop whinging all the time."

"I don't-"

"Shut up Harry," Danny interrupts, getting to his feet slowly. "I'm going to take a piss, but I'll do it in my own room, because I think it's going to smell..."

"Ewww! Seriously?" Tom laughs, waving him out as Danny leaves the room. "He's probably going to do it against your door, Harry, for pissing him off when you messed up the show."

"That was Dougie's fault and you know it," Harry says, clenching one fist and pointing at Tom with the other.

"What? For jumping on your lap?" Dougie asks, putting on his best innocent face. "Should've been able to carry on I think..."

"Did I ever mention that I preferred the other guy that auditioned to be drummer to you?" Tom said, leering at Harry.

"You never stop telling me, actually," Harry replies through gritted teeth. The others don't notice him getting redder, his knuckles standing out white as he clutches his beer too tightly.

"I think we should try to phone him up and get him back," Dougie says, and though there's laughter in his eyes, he's facing Tom, so Harry only hears the serious tone of voice.

"I swear to God, if you two don't shut up..." Harry stops, leaving the threat hanging.

"I think I might google him, try to find his number," Dougie continues, getting out his phone. "Never liked you anyway, Harry."

Harry leaps forward, knocking Dougie down and pressing his hands round Dougie's throat. Dougie's eyes go wide, his hands scrabbling powerlessly against Harry's wrists. This isn't like when they play around; he really can't breathe. Can't even choke out a cry.

"Harry! Get off him!" Tom yells, jumping off the bed and pulling on Harry's arms, his shoulder, but he's not strong enough on his own.

Dougie's eyes are watering, and he's gone from red to an awful greyish-purple. The veins in his neck stand out, their blue colour lost amongst the flush of blood trapped in his head. Harry can hear Tom screaming at him, pulling on him and then hitting him, but it's like something in the background, misted out and dreary in comparison with staring at Dougie as his eyes roll back and his body goe slack under his fingers.

There's a bang behind him and he feels new hands pulling him off, stronger ones, and Danny's voice added to Tom's. He's off Dougie and thrown backwards onto the floor, the sharp jolt seems to finally break him out of his dream state, but Dougie is so small and still, and such an unnatural colour, lying unmoving on the hotel room floor.

"Out! Get him out!" Danny yells, and Tom hauls him to his feet and pushes him to the door, while Danny presses his fingers to Dougie's neck. It's okay though; he's checking to see if there's life, not trying to stifle it.

Harry's out in the corridor, and Tom has tear tracks running down his cheeks, but his voice is furious, though Harry can't quite understand what he's saying at the moment. His mind is too busy crashing down around him, thinking of what he did to his friend, his best friend, but even more, how scared he is of himself, of that thrill of power that ran through him when he was doing it.

Tom unlocks a door, and Harry recognises the number painted in gold on it as the one on his key card.

"Don't you dare come out," is all he says, before slamming the door shut with Harry inside, his footsteps fading away in the direction of the room they just came from.

Harry sits on his bed, not moving while his world seems to crash around him. After a minute, though, he can't take the stillness, so he gets up and paces, pulling at his hair a few times, because the sharp pain can stop him thinking about if he's alive, if only for a fraction of a second.

He washes his hands, once, twice, four, five times before he stops himself. Changes clothes because he feels dirty, but he doesn't want to shower. That would feel wrong.

He can't stop running through the scene in his head, and it scares him so much he has to sit down, because it felt thrilling at the time, like he had pure adrenaline and excitement in his veins, and that's just not normal when you're doing that. It's just not right.


	4. Chapter 4

It feels like weeks, but the clock claims it to be only an hour before there's a knock at his door. Harry moves like lightening to the door, turning the handle and wrenching it open, to find a very tired looking Danny.

"Can I come in?" Danny asks, not expecting an answer, and moving past Harry to go and sit on the bed.

"Is he... I mean... Is Dougie..." Harry trails off, terrified of the answer, but needing it like oxygen.

"He's alive," Danny says, looking straight at him.

Harry almost collapses. It feels like his body turns into butter, he's so relived.

"Harry, this can never happen again," Danny says, sounding more serious than Harry's ever heard him. "We've cancelled the rest of the tour, but if you can't control yourself when you drink, then the band's finished."

"I know," Harry whispers, staring at his hands, twisting them together. "Dan...I want to see him."

He hopes that Danny will understand, this need to be with him, to see that he's okay with his own eyes, but Danny shakes his head slowly.

"Tom and I think it's best for you to stay away from him for a while."

"What does he think?"

Danny gazes at him levelly for a few seconds, before standing and going to the door.

"Does he not want to see me, Danny?" Harry says, grabbing Danny's arm as he reaches the door handle, making him pause.

"Stay away for now, Harry," is the reply, without looking at him, and then Danny's gone, the door clicking shut behind him.


	5. Chapter 5

Harry can't sleep. He lies in bed, trying to think about anything else, but any topic brings him back to that evening. Even watching TV is no distraction.

At around three, though, he hears a key card being slid into his door, and sits up, expecting Tom, come to tell him to leave the band, or Danny, back to warn him to stay away again, even though he's using every bit of self control he has not to leave his room.

When the door clicks open though, it's not Tom, and it's not Danny.

"Dougie?" Harry's asks, even though he would know that silhouette anywhere. Sure enough, Dougie shuffles forward into the light from the bedside lamp, chewing his lip and holding onto his own arms like Harry knows he did when he was little. Harry's heart breaks a little at how scared and fragile he seems, and at the purple bruising around his neck, where Harry knows he can match his own fingers to the pattern.

"I'm so sorry," is what he chokes out, not wanting to leap out of bed and hug him close in case it's too much, but leaning towards him anyway, unable to keep back. He hopes Dougie can hear how much he means it, like he's never meant anything before.

"You okay?" Dougie asks, moving forward a bit more into the light, and Harry doesn't want to think that it was him that made his voice sound tight and hoarse, but knows it must have been.

"You kidding? I'm worried about you!" Harry says incredulously, shaking his head. "I feel sick about what I nearly... about what I did," he says, finally allowing tears to flow freely. "I thought I might have lost you," he manages between choked breaths, wrapping his arms tightly around himself and trying to hold it together. "I thought you'd never want to see me again."

"I didn't at first," Dougie says quietly, pulling on his hair nervously, "but then I couldn't sleep, and I realised that I needed you, even if part of me was telling the rest of me to stay the hell away from you..."

Harry looks up when he feels the mattress dip, and sees Dougie sitting on the edge, looking at him with eyes shining in the dim light, and he uses every inch of willpower not to reach out to him, because that could do more harm than good at the moment.

"And if I still want to hang out with you, then we need to make it better," he continues, now twisting the hem of his t-shirt between his fingers. "And my mum always said never to go to sleep on an argument. So...start as you mean to go on, right?"

"I don't really know what you mean..." Harry says softly, not wanting to push Dougie away at all, but at the same time not sure what he wants him to do.

Dougie shuffles closer on his knees, so they're in touching distance, and when he holds out his arms, Harry realises what he wants, and closes the gap, hugging him close, but not tight enough to be threatening. He can feel Dougie's breathing shudder slightly when he squeezes him, so he relaxes, trying to minimise the pressure.

"I'm still scared of you, Harry," Dougie whispers, close to his ear, and the words hurt more than anything else since Dougie came into the room.

"I'll never do it again, ever. I swear."

He hopes that Dougie can hear how much heart he puts into those words, how much every cell in his body will work to make them true, for their friendship.

"But... when you drink... you change."

"I'll never drink again," Harry says, releasing Dougie so he can look into his eyes, because that's what he decided, even before Danny came in earlier, that nothing like that could ever happen again, and he would much rather never touch a drop of alcohol again than hurt his friends.

"You sure?" Dougie asks, unsure, and Harry knows he's thinking of all the times it was Harry taking them to the pub, how he probably drinks more than most.

"For you... Absolutly."


End file.
